Orange Guinea Pig on hydroxychloroquine?

President Donald Trump has decided to conduct a clinically insane trial of 1! He is taking hydroxychloroquine, an old malaria drug in an attempt to defend against COVID-19. Donnie’s nemesis, the much maligned, World Health Organisation says the science is still unclear about the drug and recommends that it should only be taken under controlled conditions of clinical trials. (So not taken in a random fashion by an orange 5-year old, masquerading as the 25^th President of the United States?)

Poo-pooing Science. In fact, President Donnie poo-pooed studies that linked hydroxychloroquine to high fatality rates in COVID19 patients. Saying that it was a ‘bad survey’ and it had been administered to people who were ‘almost dead’. Meanwhile at the University of Virginia, their studies showed that more than twice as many patients on the drug, died from Coronavirus than those NOT on the drug. While studies in France and China proved the drug was totally ineffective against COVID19. People in lab coats, what do they know? But apparently Donnie has got the OK from the in-house, White House Medicine Man, who is currently doing a rain dance on White House lawn.

The Septuagenarian in the Blue Corner. The other old, white guy in the Zimmer frame amble to the Oval office, former vice-president ‘Creepy’ Joe Biden, says Donnie is being ‘irresponsible! He alluded to Trump’s other nutty as squirrel shit, soundbite of injecting disinfectants like Clorox (bleach), into your bloodstream for the treatment of Coronavirus. ‘What in God’s name is he doing?’ exclaimed the former Senator from Delaware. F***ed if I know Joe! Nancy Pelosi, the House Speaker piped up, ‘He's our President and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists, especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group - morbidly obese!’ Fat is the word you’re searching for Nancy old girl, fat!

ExperiMENTAL? The President’s actions have caused a reaction, with pharmacies running out of hydroxychloroquine for people who actually need it. Patients with malaria, rheumatoid arthritis and lupus, have had to be turned away. Fellow ‘oversized’ politician and businessman, Aussie Clive Palmer has gotten in on the act. He’s stockpiled 32,900,000 doses of hydroxychloroquine for his fellow Australians. But experimenting on yourself has dangerous downsides. Back in March, a man in Arizona died from taking inappropriate doses of a related drug, chloroquine. Sad but true.

Self-Experimenting isn’t new! Back in the 18^th Century, famous physicist, mathematician and total nut-job, Isaac Newton wasn’t afraid to experiment on himself either. Before he formulated the laws of motion and universal gravitation, while co-developing calculus, young Isaac wasn’t adverse, to putting a bodkin (a large sewing needle), ‘betwixt my eye and bone, as neare to the backside of my eye as I could.’ Horrific as it sounds, Isaac was trying to alter the interior curvature of his eye—in order to observe the resulting visual distortions. These bizarre experiments led Newton to some pretty influential optical discoveries. As brilliant as Isaac was he couldn’t apply reason to everything. ‘I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people.’ I wonder what he would make of Donald and his bottle of untested COVID19 pills?