Self-isolation across the nation. I have to admit to be more of a Bowie kinda guy but Slade’s 1972 foot-stomper ‘Mama Weer All Crazee Now!’, recently uploaded from some forgotten school memory, directly into my self-isolating bonce. Who’d’ve thought, Noddy and Jim’s teeny classic, decades after being penned, would perfectly describe what a bemused world population is currently experiencing?
International ‘Climbing Walls Championships'. Slowly but surely cogs are beginning to come off spindles between our collective ears. COVID19 lock-down has caused some ordinary Terry and Junes to begin to crawl up the wall, over the ceiling and down the other side of the room. Their homes have been slowly transforming into prison cells but some refuse to be caged in. Like the neighbour caught heading out, ninja-like, disguised as a bush! Joking aside, more of these click-bait pranks are actually going to have us all cooped-up for even longer.
COVIDIVORCE? Relationships are being put under unforeseen stress. Couples being forced to work from home, effectively under house arrest, are seeing their life partners in work mode for the first time. They’re revealing a very different side to their life partners. The two worlds of work and home, in normal times separated by 8 hours or so, are now colliding.
Meek Jekylls and Hateful Hydes? Wives, husbands, live-in boyfriends and girlfriends are now being treated like colleagues for the first time in their relationships. Some are being sworn at, some treated like lackeys. While others are experiencing unprecedented charm and kindness, going against the grain of the grumpy bugger they usually have to put up with at home. Do you take this work colleague as your lawfully wedded trainee, latte provider?
I married David Brent? We’ve all heard the ludicrous on his fellow workers in the Office. It’s a bit of a shock to the system when it’s directed at you over your Muesli. ‘Touch base as close of play in the break-out area, for a thought shower. What’s needed is blue-sky thinking to push the envelope. We’re Digital disruptors going forward, on silo mentality here! We need to get our ducks in a row, square the circle and dot the i’s and cross the t’s. Let aim for a paradigm shift, that’s content rich and scalable. Let’s avoid boiling the ocean or failing forward! Keep in the loop, let’s do lunch Al Desko!’
Pass the dutchie, we’re fighting COVID19! There’s a crazy vid doing the Social Media rounds, of a mum holding a baby, while two young boys sit next to her. The mum and the older kids are all partaking of a ‘erbal’ cigarette, wink, wink say no more. Apparently, the vid is from Indonesia, where it’s believed inhaling weed (known locally as rokok sin), is a remedy to fight Coronavirus. Comments from the guy doing the filming can be heard, ‘if Allah wills it, COVID19 will be blocked‘. Maybe they’re onto something? I know a few of my relatives back in Blighty, who’d agree. I can imagine they’re manfully fighting the virus with a regular doobie or two. Purely for medicinal purposes you understand.
Follow me for more Spam recipes. When COVID19 hit, supermarket shelves were picked clean by the general public in a matter of hours. Behaving more like a plague of locusts, rather than responsible adults, their actions left the rest of us no option but to get creative in the kitchen. Help is at hand, in the form of a UK mum, who’s put together a thrifty 14-day meal plan to help us in lockdown. Freely admitting she is no nutritionist, she’s tried to keep her meals as healthy as possible. Her keys to success are the humble root vegetable, the occasional stew, and optimising space in the freezer. Resulting in fresh, healthy, wholesome meals that’ll keep our immune systems up. Check her out, her Instagram handle is @athriftymum
We’ve lived through pandemics before! Being the youngest of older parents, some major historical events have inadvertently touched my life. For instance, my Dad was born 19 days after the Titanic went down in 1912. While my Mum was born in 1918 when the Spanish Flu pandemic began. Over the next two years, a quarter of the world’s population would become infected. With as many as 100 million losing their lives. Both my parents lost baby brothers and sisters to one of the deadliest killers the world has ever seen. Worried what this would do to morale during The Great War, mortality rates were strictly censored in the UK, US, France and Germany. No change there, then.
Lockdown aged 112! A man who lived through the 1918 Flu pandemic, as well two world wars, has just celebrated his 112th Birthday in COVID19 lockdown. Bob Weighton the world’s oldest living man, didn’t whoop it up with friends and family but had ‘Happy Birthday’ sung to him from a safe distance. Presumably they were washing their hands at the same time. Speaking from the assisted living facility, where he resides, Bob said, ‘It is bizarre. I’ve never experienced anything like Coronavirus before.’ Neither have I mate.
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Coronavirus? On a lighter note Christmas lights are making an early return. With over 100 million Americans in virus stopping lockdown, some good abiding citizens decided to cheer their neighbours up, by putting holiday lights back up. They’ve been rummaging around in lofts, garages, cupboards and sheds. Re-emerging with Christmas decs they thought they wouldn’t see until December. Personally, I think it’s a fabulous idea and I can’t wait to get ‘Ding Dong Merrily on High’ with a cheeky spliff and a glass of eggnog.
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